I Need Your Help, Please…

I don’t very often ask for help, but I think it is about time I took stock of some opinions and indeed, if possible, some help in the form of advice from you all.

This concerns the topic of the big M – money! I have come to the conclusion that I have never really come to grips with the reality of what money actually is and what it means in my life (and possibly in yours as well). So I gave up a perfectly good, and very well-paid, job in law to study to be a nurse, and to be honest, though nursing did not pay that well, it was never really about money – it was about doing what I felt I was borne to do.

When it comes to using my healing skills (and I accept they are not really mine, I merely act as a channel to the Energy that causes healing) – I felt reluctant to accept money for that, because it felt somehow wrong to accept money for something that I have always been able to do, and indeed, healing is something I enjoy doing.

Then I had the good fortune to meet a very good friend, who pointed out to me, that money is ‘just’ solidified energy, and that when someone pays me for healing, it is an energy exchange, freely entered into by two or more consenting adults. I can understand that idea, and I agree with it. I can also see that doing a job you like and getting paid well for it, is exactly how it should be – though I know that for lots of us that is not the reality of the situation.

Yet, money and scarcity mentality maintain a firm foothold in my life – and there does indeed never seem to be enough money. I do all the meditations, I affirm to myself that I attract money, I have taken another job, and if possible will take a second one any day now if it materializes.

One thing I will not do for money is lie. I have had a job for a short amount of time, where I was doing ok, not great, but ok, until I realized that what I was selling was ‘hot air’ and that if anyone ever approached someone I loved with the same product and sold it to them, I would be spitting feathers in anger that they had so betrayed the innocence of the person I love. Therefore, lying to make money is not something I ever want to do again!

So, now I have a new job. Making appointments for a sales rep to go and see a business. So, business to business calling is not illegal, not immoral, not anything bad at all – it is the way of the world, and the product my colleague in sales will maybe eventually sell, after I set up the appointment, is a real and useful product, that will make the company purchasing it a huge amount of savings in time and money. And still, I am unable to lose the ‘niceness’ (a euphemism for not being pushy enough). I am puzzled. So when someone is obviously interested in what I am trying to get them to look at, I somehow cannot find the right words to ‘close’ the appointment.

I no longer believe there is anything inherently ‘bad’ about money (though I do believe that the love of money above all else is indeed the root of a lot of evil in the world). I am doing a job that I actually really enjoy, with a great boss, but seem unable to do that ‘last little bit’ in pinning down my ‘prospect’. I am sure there are techniques and I shall learn them, but I still wonder whether below that reluctance to make that little extra push at the end there is a deeper issue with the big M.

No, I have no great wish to be super wealthy, it would not mean that much, I have already simplified my life to the point where I want it to be, I do not need a bigger house, a newer car, more clothes, or things. I just want enough to pay the bills easily, and have a bit to spare to spend on doing some good for others, whilst saving a bit for emergency situations – that would never constitute a fortune in the books of anyone I know personally.

I would be really interested in hearing from those of you that have similar problems, or solutions. Maybe you know of some meditations, or affirmations, or techniques that will remove what I believe is a real ‘prosperity block’ in my life, and I would be very happy to hear about it.

thebigM I Need Your Help, Please...

The Consolation Of A Dream

I tend to dream a lot, and have a lot of notes written about dreams and pieces of dreams that I am still working with, sometimes years after I had the original dream.

One of my favourite dreams is one I had about 30 years ago, when I was living in a very noisy residence for nurses, attached to the Hospital I then worked in. It is a dream that I remember whenever things ‘get on top of me’ and I then revisit that dream, either during those minutes before going to sleep or sometimes during meditation.

I dreamt I was at the edge of a lake. The sun was shining brightly and I stood with bare feet on the hot sand. A man appeared who handed me a white robe, and said it was time. I slipped the robe over my head and walked into the water. He said I would be able to breathe underwater and I needed to swim until I found ‘it’. He did not actually tell me what ‘it’ was.

I dived into the cooling water, and swam ever deeper, with my eyes wide open. There were some odd things down in that lake. Old shopping trollies, bicycles, bottles – all sort of rubbish. Then I saw my grandmother, and I thought it was odd that she was in the lake, since she had been cremated and I could not figure out what she was doing there. She waved and smiled at me, and I kept on diving. I saw some other things – that are highly personal to me, and I don’t really want to write about, but I know that in that dream I started crying. Odd that you can cry, when you are covered in water, and yet the tears streamed in the water. Some of the things I saw scared me a lot and I started to panic. I heard the man’s voice telling me to keep going down, and not to worry about the scary things since they were not real – as I could work out if I tried to touch them and they were just my own thoughts.

After what seemed like an eternity, I was on the bottom of the lake, but still had not found ‘it’. The bottom of the lake was clean, there was no debris here, as though all the rubbish and ideas had been left behind, and here was just a white sand underwater beach. I noticed that there was a small ‘hill’ of sand in the distance and swam towards it. As I reached the hill I realized it was much bigger than I had thought, and there was a cave in one side of it. A sense of fear touched me, should I enter a dark underwater cave? I decided I would trust what the man had said, that nothing would harm me, and it was all my imagination, and entered the cave. The walls of the cave spiralled up and up as though I was inside a giant slug-house, and they were made of crystal. There was beautiful light everywhere, filtered with all the colours of the rainbow and some more I could not even describe, caused by the water outside the ‘windows’. In the centre of the room was a small white pillar and on it was a casket. A small casket. My curiosity led me towards the pillar and I looked closer at the casket. It was in the shape of a human heart. Suddenly a small key dangled in front of me, and I took the key and opened the little heart casket. Inside it was a pearl. I reached out my hand and closed it over the pearl. I was much bigger than any pearl I had ever seen and was reflecting all the rainbow light from the room. As I took the pearl in my hand, a sense of total knowing and love flooded me and I realized the pearl was mine. I sat down with the pearl in my hands. I felt as though I would want to spend the rest of my life sitting here, never coming back up to the surface again.

After a while, the man said it was time to come back up. I started to leave the cave, reluctantly, when he told me I would have to leave the pearl behind in the casket, but I could keep the key forever. A small golden necklace appeared and the key attached itself to the necklace and then fastened round my neck. I kissed the pearl and put it back in its little nest, crying because I did not want to leave it behind. The man said I did not need to cry, I could come back whenever I wanted and sit with the pearl and it would always be there waiting for me. He said I carried that pearl within me, and it was the core of who I was around which I had made my life.

When I got back up to the surface the man was gone, but the sun was still shining.

I visit this dream often, and each time it is slightly different, the debris changes, the monsters are not scary any more but the one constant that is always there is that large pearl, around which I was formed.

Do you have any dreams that feel like they were more than just a dream, dreams that almost feel like the Source has been visiting you whilst you were sleeping?

pearl The Consolation Of A Dream

Battery Hen Or Free Range – The Slavery Remains

A short post, had a huge shift in thinking last night from which I am still reeling and which is requiring a lot of research to be used into writing what I think may turn into a short e-book (if I can pull it off).

Imagine for a moment that you are a battery hen. You have had all your natural impulses bred out of you, you have on-demand food and permanent light sources that totally confuse your natural being. You fight with other battery hens for the food that will only make you fatter faster so you can be slaughtered.

Then a few hens start to wake up to the reality of what will happen to them and refuse to go along with the conspicuous consumption that will make their deaths come faster. The farmer notices this. So he has a plan.

The next day he opens the door to the shed and the hens are put outside in a lovely big field. No longer are there mountains of artificial pellets of ‘food’, instead the hens are now free to run around the field and eat real grubs and the things that the hens would have eaten before battery farming became normal. What a great life. The hens are so grateful to the kind farmer. They are no longer slaves, they have a much better life, more space, more natural foods – wow, life is great.

Until of course the day comes that they will be rounded up and taken to the slaughter house to be dispatched.

Understand that as long as we let others control us, we remain like these hens. We may change the reality of the battery farm for a free range farm, but we shall still be owned and we shall still be led to the slaughter.


batteryhen Battery Hen Or Free Range   The Slavery Remains

News Letter

I thought it might be a great idea to produce a news letter once in a while and also to keep in touch with the people who read this blog. So I have organized a programme that will allow you to sign up for the News Letter, which I will write probably about once a month and you will also get updates on when a new blog post is written.

I promise there will be no spam, but subscribers to my news letters will be the only ones who can take advantage of some offers I will put in, like maybe a free healing session or a tarot reading – depending on what my offer is that month.

Your email address is safe with me, and will not be sold, given to or in any way distributed to any other person or organization. If you don’t like the news letter it is easy to unsubscribe so no need to worry about that either. I hope to see many of you in my new little programme.

Take care everyone


Do Unto Others

As you will know if you have read the, as yet uncompleted, series of posts about God and I, I am not a great one for organized religion. Maybe the main problems with ‘organized’ is that it creates a group who are In and all the rest, who are not part of the group, are Out. As humans we appear to have a need to ‘belong’, and organized religion makes one feel part of a group of specially chosen beings, whose aim is to spread the word and convert others to their point of view. Those that choose not to become part of this group, are lost, according to a lot of organized religious groups, lost forever.

The other major problem for me in organized religious groupings and cults, is that almost invariably this leads to a hierarchy of people that are there to ‘interpret’ what was actually meant by whatever their favourite prophet said, and you who are lower in the rank have to agree to this interpretation and are told how to lead your life in order to be part of the group.

My final problem is a bit more specific, it has to do with most religions preaching that God created everyone and that, in the case of Christianity at least, Jesus died for everyone – which is laudable. How then does a practising Christian reconcile this idea with their sometimes extremely violent disgust of those people who are not in their particular branch of Christianity? We see this in Christians talking about Muslims calling them ‘filthy pigs’ or whatever, and we see it between say a fundamentalist group calling their Christian brothers who are maybe Catholic or Lutheran, wrong. It is the difference between what they profess to believe and their behaviour that causes an acute feeling of discomfort for me.

My solution at the moment, and it is open to change since I shall most probably be Seeking until I leave this earth, is to pursue my own path. I no longer try to belong to any Group, even if there is comfort in being with a group. I no longer want someone else to tell me what to believe and how I should live my life as a consequence of that. I believe that God (Spirit, The One, whatever you want to call him/her/it) reveals itself to me on an ongoing basis, and I know how to live my life. That does not mean I have found the Truth, I have found my Truth – it also does not mean that I always live my life in accordance with that Truth, and when I ‘stray’ from my Truth, there are internal consequences in that I am thrown off balance.

For now, my main philosophy comes from the Bible, and relates to the idea that you should do Unto Others as you would wish them to do Unto You. Nothing fancy, nothing very hard, nothing mystical or obscure – just that. If I don’t like what you are doing to me, then I should look hard at myself, in case I am doing just that to you or someone else. If I want you to forgive me for behaviour that caused you pain or suffering, then I also have to forgive those who caused me pain and suffering. I have come luckily to a point where I am aware that most of my own suffering is caused by how I perceive things, and that if I do not allow someone’s action to ’cause’ me suffering then I won’t suffer. But not everyone has that awareness, so if I make someone suffer and they perceive it as suffering (even if I did not mean to cause them pain) then I need them to forgive me and I need to forgive myself for having behaved in an unskilled way. For me this is an intensely satisfying experience, it means accepting responsibility for how I Am in this world, without relying on sources external to me to tell me what is right or wrong, whilst at the same time being very much aware of the rest of my brothers and sisters and trying to treat them with the same love and respect that I have for myself, and which I would like to receive from them.

healing2 Do Unto Others